Rather hard of earring

There are so many things that nobody ever tells you about earrings. And I'm learning them all, at some speed, unexpectedly late in life.

Let's be clear: I do not in any way regret having my ears pierced. I was never going to, but having tried every possible kind of clips, screws, and even magnets, I was fed up. For any kind of non-pierced earring, the sweet spot between "so tight it pinches" and "so loose it falls off" is infuriatingly small. Granted, some earrings were a lot better than others; I had earrings that I could wear to an evening event as long as I put them on just before I entered the venue and took them off the moment I came out, but I also had a few I could wear for most of the day. I had a lovely pair of wooden parrot earrings when I was at university, which were impressively dangly but nonetheless very light; those were more comfortable than most (they had unusually well adjustable screw backs), and I wore them quite a lot until, inevitably, I lost one. But once you have your ears pierced, that's it; not only do you have a much wider choice of earrings, but they will also stay put securely all day and they're so comfortable you can forget they're there.

That's daytime. No problems there. But once you go to bed...

To be fair, I am a bit of an awkward case. When I go to bed, I lie down on my right side and I stay there all night. I don't move around. At all. And I failed to mention this to the chap who pierced my ears, because it didn't occur to me that it might be relevant. I had my ears pierced using the Inverness system (which I thoroughly recommend; it is surprisingly gentle, and it is extremely hygienic because it is the stud itself that pierces your ear, and that comes in a sealed cartridge), and Inverness earrings come with safety backs. These are caps that go right over the end of the stud... well, they have to; it's sharp enough to pierce your ear, after all. So one of the first questions I asked was what they were like for sleeping in (after all, I'd have to do that, because I couldn't take the studs out for six weeks), and the chap said airily "oh, it'll be fine - you won't have a problem."

Well, sorry, Richard, but you were wrong there. Not your fault. You were missing a salient piece of information. I'm not quite sure how I slept the first night, because it was really uncomfortable, but I was determined that wasn't going to happen again. So I jury-rigged myself an ear pillow from a short roll-end of fabric (very short, in fact - less than 20 cm) and some wadding; the result was like two little cushions, each about the size of a pack of playing cards, separated by a bridge of fabric that kept them in the same position relative to each other. I slept on that with my ear in the gap, and it was a lot better, but the tip of the safety back was still inclined to dig into my skull, so I just stuck a bit of cotton wool behind my ear and all was fine again.

This went on for quite some time. Once I was finally able to take out the Inverness earrings (which are very nice little red CZ studs, but by the time I'd had them in for six weeks I was a little bored with them), I discovered that regular studs are actually rather worse from the sleeping point of view, because you get the end of the post digging into your skull rather than the tip of the safety back. No problem. I have cotton wool. I was told I should wear only studs for six months, but I'd heard hoops were better to sleep in; so, although it's not quite six months, I'm now cautiously experimenting with small hoops. They're no heavier than the studs, so I don't think they're going to cause any damage. They are, however, rather harder to get in than the studs, because the wire is curved. I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Well, whoever said hoops were better to sleep in was quite right, and if I moved about in my sleep like most people I wouldn't have to take any special measures (and, even as it is, I shall never sleep in studs again). I cheerfully ditched the ear pillow and went to sleep in my new hoops. Sadly, I then woke up in the small hours with a rather uncomfortable ear; the hoop had, of course, twisted sideways, and after a while that became noticeable. I sighed, replaced the cotton wool, went back to sleep, and all was well again.

This is all very well, but if I ever get married again (which is not impossible, though some entirely unforeseen circumstances would have to happen first) I do not want to be faffing around at night with bits of cotton wool. They're inclined to get lost and then you have to rummage around in the bedclothes, which is sub-optimal. So I thought, "all right, with hoops I don't need the ear pillow, but I do still need some padding; what would be ideal is if the padding just looped round my ear to keep it in place."

And so, yesterday, I knitted the weird thing in the photo. It looks like a marled or heathery yarn, but it isn't; it's one of my favourite knitting tricks - use two shades of 4-ply together instead of one of DK, because it comes to the same weight. This is Sirdar Snuggly 4-ply in White and Cloud (a light grey), and I like this combination so much I might knit something larger in it at some point. I cast on 34 stitches on 4 mm needles and worked 20 rows in a simple cable-and-rib pattern; then I folded it over, and every time I was about to work a stitch I first picked up one from the cast-on stitches in the corresponding position, then worked the two together, casting off at the same time. That gave me a tube. I sewed the ends of the tube together and then sewed along the bottom edge, so I had a very small double-thickness bag. I then picked up four stitches at the top of the rib at the side and worked about 7 cm in stocking stitch to make the loop, sewing the other end to the top of the side seam. And there you have it; not the best photo ever, I'm afraid, but I took it with the webcam because that's rather easier than trying to point a camera accurately at one's own ear.

I put it through its paces last night, and I'm happy to say it was great. I slept like the proverbial log, and this thing was still on my ear when I woke up in the morning. I might tweak the design a bit to give it a more earlike shape, but the basic principle is sound, so all I need to do now is knit a few more of them.

H'mm. I wonder if I could sell this sort of thing on Etsy?