It is not fitting

in 2007 my sister got married. And that was great, all the more so because I was in fact the one who'd introduced her to her husband - although I really hadn't expected what would happen. He was (and is) very quiet, and my sister is a bit of a force of nature, and up to that point he'd been consulting me about how best to get a girlfriend; and I told him he really needed to develop a bit more confidence, because as far as I could tell most women liked that. And then he met my sister, and it was just fine because she has enough confidence for about ten, so he didn't need any of his own!

So I got asked to be maid of honour, and of course I said I'd be delighted, but then this happened (points to feature photo). I am one for looking on the bright side as far as possible, so I said, well, yes, it's definitely my colour. And I like that tulle overlay on the bodice. And, umm, the gloves are nice. It's just, you know, a real shame it doesn't fit. (You can't see how badly it was gaping at the back in this photo.)

"Oh, that's fine," said my sister brightly. "We'll just have it altered." So she had them measure me up at the shop, and they took in the bodice a bit and shortened the skirt just enough so I didn't trip over it, and I didn't say anything but I thought... this is going to be a disaster. All they've done is taken a few measurements and they're saying nothing about calling me in for any actual fittings; they're just going to alter the dress to the measurements and then hope it works. (To be fair, it would have been awkward to have me in for a lot of fittings because I was living in Sheffield at the time, and the wedding was taking place in Kendal; but even if they'd just done one, I'd have been a great deal less worried.) And, besides, I'd had it made very clear that I was not going to get any straps. That meant two things: first of all I was going to feel insecure whatever they did, because I like to have something on my shoulders (I've worn outerwear corsets in my time, but always with a jacket), and secondly they were going to have to err on the side of tight rather than loose or the whole lot would fall down. If there had been time I'd have told them not to bother, I'd just take it away and alter it myself, but sadly there was not, as I was still in the Job of Doom.

It was, in fact, a disaster. On the day, it at least didn't gape at the back any more; but it dug into places I didn't even know I had, largely because they hadn't shortened the back enough so the waist was still not quite in the right place. In the photo that's not obvious because the bodice as a whole is too loose, but once they'd put that right it meant that the waistline of the dress was now digging in at the top of my midriff (because it was the size of my actual waist!), and all the boning was slightly out of true as a result, and... aargh. Thankfully, everyone for the most part was looking at the bride and not at me, and also the best man turned out to be as geeky as I was, so he helped me to relieve the stress by drawing force diagrams for the wedding cake. (I actually have no idea how that stayed up, force diagrams notwithstanding; but that's a whole 'nother story.)

And the moral of that little story is that if you're fitting a corset, or anything similar, you need to take a great deal of time and trouble, because if you don't, you will not want to live with the results. You know how I couldn't find Your Wardrobe Unlock'd the other day? It turns out that it hasn't completely gone under; what it has done instead is merged with what used to be its sister site, Foundations Revealed, which used to specialise in historical underclothing. Now the whole lot is all on one site. It is still hugely expensive to join (the lowest tier of membership is currently $47 per month - not sure what that is in £, but it'll be over £40, I think - and that's at a discount!), but they don't lock you in for any minimum period. So if I wanted to make a corset these days I would go over there and join for a month, then pull all the corset-making stuff I could find off the website, because they are outstandingly good at demystifying corsetry. (I don't, which is rather a pity; I shall never be able to wear a corset again because of Sibyl. But, done properly, a corset can be both practical and comfortable.) The other thing about them is that they're very much not just corsetry; they have the answers to pretty much all your historical clothing queries. And if I wanted to make several corsets I'd probably at least give serious consideration to splashing out on a course like this one, where there's a larger payment up front but it is a one-off, and after that you get lifetime access to all the materials. There are also plenty of free tutorials out there of varying quality; if all you're really after is a boned bodice similar to the thing I'm wearing in the photo, but you'd like it to fit you, then Instructables has more or less what you need (they're usually quite good). This one here is better if you're already quite experienced at making other types of clothing, plus it has links to a corsetry-related Patreon and an e-book that you can buy if you want more detail.

However, a lot of free online corsetry tutorials tend to be a bit disappointing: they're more or less "this is how to follow a pattern", except that the pattern in question just happens to be for a boned bodice, which for a lot of people is the same thing as a proper corset. (My feeling on that is very much "it depends on what you want it for." If you're after something for a wedding, or an evening dress, then the terms are pretty much interchangeable, except that if you're going to call it a corset it really should give you at least some waist reduction; but if you're going historical, things start getting very precise, and in particular you need to know what time period you're aiming for, because corsets changed enormously over the years.)

But still, the one thing about anything of this nature, whether it's a full corset, a boned bodice, a dress that incorporates one or the other, a waist cincher, basically anything at all that pulls in the waist or even just firmly defines it like this dress was meant to... is that it can't ever just stop dead at the waist. If it did that, it would dig in like stink, it'd be incredibly uncomfortable, you'd probably end up with a red line, and then there's also the fact that it wouldn't exactly flatter your midriff - but that's not much of a consideration relative to all the other things. No, it has to drop several centimetres below your waist in order to even out the pressure, so that instead of cutting into you at waist level it's just pressing on your midriff (which can take it, unless you happen to have a whacking great bag sitting there). There's the rub. And while it might technically be possible to make a corset with a carefully designed hole to take a colostomy bag, I should think it would be quite a challenge for even a very experienced corsetiere; because the whole idea of the boning is that it evens out the pressure, and how do you do that if you have a gap in it? Moreover, where do you finish the boning in that area, given that the top of Sibyl's bag is only about 4 - 5 cm below my natural waistline and you really do not want ends of boning poking the top of the bag (move the wrong way and you could end up with the bag detaching itself from the base, with unspeakable results)?

So the only boning I'm ever likely to wear in future, and that not very, is for a hooped skirt. My waist is already pretty wasplike in proportion to the rest of my measurements, so it's not as if I need to yank it in anyway.

But even so, I will admit... I do like corsets. When they fit.